Working Harder is Not the Answer!

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I’d like to set the record straight. We are not the perfect homeschool family. I am not a super mom that has it all together.

Most of my life I have run on a performance treadmill attempting to earn love and acceptance from God and others. The result has been a mess.

Rebellious Childhood

My childhood was difficult. I was often left alone (due to family illness) and as a result sexually abused for over a decade (from age five).

The shaggy hairstyles, bell-bottoms, rock and roll, make-love-not-war seventies welcomed my rebellious spirit. My life was broken – littered with hurts, failures, and mistakes.

My sweet godly Grandmother was faithful to plant spiritual seeds in me. Each summer I spent time with her I saw Jesus in her love. I longed for a relationship with God and talked to Him often.

Seeking Acceptance in Religion

I became a Christian as a teenager and deeply wanted to follow Christ. But I was full of shame and guilt, enslaved in bondage, unable to accept love and the forgiveness God offered. The treadmill kept me from freedom to enjoy the blessings of God. I married at 17 and had four children in five years. I was determined to raise my children in a Christian home.

In my zeal, I went from the life of a sinner to a religioholic (an alcoholic is preoccupied by alcohol, a workaholic is preoccupied by work, I was preoccupied with legalistic religion). We joined a legalistic church and went every time the door was open. If we missed a service, the guilt would drive me to volunteer for something else. I kept the nursery during church and taught Sunday School. I wasn’t fed much spiritually because I was busy earning love and approval. Artificial rules and regulations sucked the love of God out of our family.

Recycling the Misconceptions

I sincerely thought I was on the right path. I tried to control our family with my lists of Christian rules. Church attendance and Bible studies were duties. My husband was rejected by the church because he drank beer on weekends. After that, he had several affairs; he finally abandoned us and we didn’t see him for 15 years.

I was completely rejected by the church I served. I was told, “I must not have been submissive enough.” It was a small church and I think they were afraid to have a single mother with four children and no income.

I emphasize with the millions of single mothers in America struggling to feed their children every day. I was raising four children without child support for six years. We slept on mattresses, ate meals off a cardboard box, skipped many meals, and collected soda bottles in ditches to buy medicine. I was desperate to feed my children. I worked waitress jobs and even got a job in a nightclub for a while. The churches we visited were afraid of us or too legalistic for a divorced mother. After a few rejections, I stopped trying to go.

I joined the Orlando Police Academy when I found I could work off-duty jobs for good money. I was a scrawny 110 lbs but I made it through the academy. I was able to work 80-100 hours a week which I needed to to pay for child care for four.

I then married, this time to a man with an unsavory past, but he promised to take us to church and he did. We were involved in a mid-size church without all the extreme legalism. I had three more children. I worked hard toward the Proverbs 31 goal and we began homeschooling. Our family was dysfunctional, as most families are, but I was determined to work hard and protect my children from the evil world.

Externally we appeared to be a godly family, but internally each of us was unraveling.

I passed down unhealthy habits of performing to earn love and acceptance to my children. Instead of teaching the love of God, I taught them (by actions, not words) how to run on the performance treadmill and jump through behavioral hoops. While I was running on this treadmill I had a judgmental attitude towards anyone who wasn’t on the same treadmill. I was extremely critical of myself and others. Where is the love of God in that?

Homeschooling brought in new artificial rules and regulations (wearing dresses, baking bread, using the right math program, the number of school hours, etc.). I had new rules to follow–maybe this time I could get it right! I was willing to work hard. I truly believed I was on the right path, but the fruit proved otherwise. When my children hit their teen-age years they rebelled.

I was in deep denial. My closest friend once told me, “If being in denial was an Olympic sport, you would be a gold medalist!” My formula for coping with the dysfunctional mess went something like this:

Step 1: Denial (Pretend there is no problem or pretend I don’t feel the way I feel)
Step 2: See some of the problem, blame myself, wallow in shame.
Step 3: Work harder, try harder
Step 4: Fail.
Step 5: Blame myself, wallow in shame.
Step 6: Lose it.
Step 7: Blame myself for losing it, wallow in shame. Emotional collapse.

That marriage ended in divorce. My adult children struggle with the consequences of our broken family. Ten years ago I married a man with two daughters and together we had two more children (now 7 and 8 )

These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.
(Mat 15:8)

I’ve repented and apologized for those many years that I was wrapped up in this spiritual self-reliance and cheated them of the joy of life in Christ. By God’s grace we are all in different stages of healing.

We Needed Relationship Not Religion

Jesus came to give us Life– it has nothing to do with our ability to perform. The Christian life is dwelling in Him. We need to simply enter His rest and watch the freedom from our mess begin to unfold. As we dwell in Him we become transformed into His image, being changed by His glory. Without the Vine to bring nourishing sap to the branch there can be no fruit.

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Heb 12:2.

I love the way Mike Yaconelli explains this:

Spiritually is not a formula; it is not a test. It is a relationship. Spiritually is not about competency; it is about intimacy. Spiritually is not about perfection; it is about connection.

The way of spiritual life begins where we are now in the mess of our lives. Accepting the reality of our broken, flawed lives is the beginning of spiritually not because the spiritual life will remove our flaws, but because we let go of seeking perfection and instead seek God the One who is present in the tangleness of our lives.

Freedom comes from knowing truth – and the One who is the Way, the Truth and the Life. Freedom does not mean lawlessness. Freedom in Him is freedom from shame and not from responsibility. We have a responsibility to submit. God’s Spirit can do His work only as we yield to Him. Jesus came to show us the love of God; when we yield, that love flows through us.

Our standard of conduct should be holiness (Col. 3:1). We are not without law but we are under “the law of Christ” (Gal. 6:2), the law of love (James 2:8), and “the law of liberty” (James 2:12).

Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall by following their example of disobedience. (Heb 4:1)

In Christ is the storehouse where God has placed all the “treasures of wisdom and knowledge” (Col 2:1–5). Spiritual fruit–love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control–beginning with the knowledge of God through Christ and the Holy Spirit.

Getting off the performance treadmill was a long, complicated, and messy process. I had a lot of shame and assumptions to overcome. God took me on this journey to learn of Him through the Hebrew roots of Christianity (which can also turn into legalism if one is out of balance) to prepare me for His plans for me. I got to know Him by dropping preconceived ideas and assumptions. I learned of God’s grace through the wonderful stories in both Testaments.

Not everyone goes this particular route. But no one experiences real spiritual fruit until they have accepted His love.

You will trust God only as much as you love him. And you will love him not because you have studied him; you will love him because you have touched him—in response to his touch…Only if you love will you make that final leap into darkness. “Father, into your hands I commend my spirit.” Brennan Manning in Lion and Lamb

I continue dealing with the consequences of my life of sin. It’s a journey and we have come far, but we have far to go. It’s easy to lose focus and rely on working overtime to please God through our good works and righteous behavior. But we can never do it in our own strength.

At the very root of all Christian life lies the thought that God is to do all - that our work is to give and leave ourselves in His hands, in the confession of utter helplessness and dependence, in the assured confidence that He gives all we need.

The great lack of the Christian life is that, even where we trust Christ, we leave God out of the count. Christ came to bring us to God. Christ lived the life of a man exactly as we have to live it. Christ the Vine points to God the Husbandman. As He trusted God, let us trust God, that everything we ought to be and have, as those who belong to the Vine, will be given us from above. (Andrew Murray, The Secret of God’s Love)

Today my focus is on my relationship with God and teaching my children how much God and I love them.

The rest of the story…I have not listed all my sins nor all my consequences in this post (it would take a book, a very large book) but you get the idea. I still struggle daily, but God reminds me how much He loves me and then I can rest in His strength. He reminds me that He used David, the woman at the well, and even a stubborn donkey, and He can even use me.

My response is to get down on my knees before the Father, this magnificent Father who parcels out all heaven and earth. I ask him to strengthen you by his Spirit—not a brute strength but a glorious inner strength—that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in. And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you’ll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ’s love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God. (Eph 3:17-19)

Are you living in religion instead of resting in a relationship? Take this quiz.

The book The Shack by William P. Young was special to me because the main character, Mack was delivered from shame and the performance treadmill. See my book review here.

Robin

There Are 43 Responses So Far. »

Comment by littlesanctuary (Kim) :

Thank you for such an honest, wonderful post!!!

littlesanctuary (Kim)’s last blog post..linkage
Pingback by check out Robin’s post today « littlesanctuary :

[...] Posted on July 21, 2008 by littlesanctuary Great open and honest post by Robin over at Heart of Wisdom. I wish more in the church would be this [...]
Comment by P* :

Ahh, yes…it’s all about relationship vs. religion, isn’t it?

Sigh…I’m hesitant to tell you how amazing you are, Robin…because I KNOW it is HIM thru you…so, I’ll just say…”thank you” for being so transparent. You don’t HAVE to pour your heart out this way, yet.. you do, and as a result, many are encouraged.

We ALL need Him…we ALL sin. May we continually give out the love/mercy we’ve been given by Him…the author and finisher of our faith.

Much Love,

P*

Heb. 12:2 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith;
Comment by Katia :

Wow, Robin!!!!What a post!!!!!

Very well said. Thank you for being so honest and true. You are a blessing! We need more of these posts in our Christian/Jewish roots communities. I’m sorry you had to live in so much shame from the church, of all of the religions in the world “Christians are the only ones, who murder their wounded”

“Freedom comes from knowing truth – and the One who is the Way, the Truth and the Life. Freedom does not mean lawlessness. Freedom in Him is freedom from shame and not from responsibility. We have a responsibility to submit. God’s Spirit can do His work only as we yield to Him. Jesus came to show us the love of God; when we yield, that love flows through us.”
“God took me on this journey to learn of Him through the Hebrew roots of Christianity (which can also turn into legalism if one is out of balance) to prepare me for His plans for me.”

These two statements are very well said.
Love and prayers,
katia

Katia’s last blog post..May/June flowers
Comment by Angela :

I think this post will bless many… it is rare you hear real testimonies that detail a hard journey rather than the misconceptions through denial. It makes it harder when the reality does not measure up to the ideals that people spread to feel like one can ‘measure up’. Thank you for sharing this.

Angela’s last blog post..A blink and the week is gone!
Comment by Yvonne :

Robin,

Bless your heart…what an amazing post. I’ve walked the path of having been sexually abused and always driven to earn approval. The Lord has rescued and redeemed me. Amen, to all that you’ve written. God is good!

Yvonne’s last blog post..Heart of the Matter Conference Winner is….
Comment by Sombra :

Robin.. I so needed to hear that you’re not perfect, that you too have suffered the pain I’ve suffered.. And to see how God has worked in you, and healed you. I’ve received that same healing.. the touch that I’ve responded to and touched back. - the hurts still keep coming, but when we keep our eyes on Yeshua, and keep walking in his ways - the words of Psalm 62 have impacted me in the last day. I Won’t Be Moved!

And I can see that you too have heard God’s word, and you too will not be moved.

Sombra
Comment by mommyandmeboutique :

You are so right, it is our personal relationship with Christ that counts, not a set of rules or performance - it is our total dependence upon Him that we can walk in fellowship with Him and other believers.

Have you ever read “True Spirituality” by Dr. Francis Schaffer. There is a chapter in there on true guilt and psychological guilt. He happens to be one one my favorite Christian authors. This is a good book to read once a year.

I wish you continued blessing for you and your family.
Comment by Robyn :

Hi Robin,
I hope your feeling better? I appreciate your post today as your probably the most transparent person I know, your you. One thing is , you remember where you came from….we all should. Right now Im in a situation in my life I feel like Im fighting against the current…no church to go to, churches here have absolutely nothing for kids or teens? My marriage is in trouble due to so many things going on in our home…but I keep the hope and pray that God will intervene. Im tired of pretending it will all go away…Im sorry to per say DUMP, but I would appreciate prayers, Im at the end of my rope. I have been praying for a church, restoration and healing in my family, and for God to help me to be the woman of God and mom he wants me to be.
I love this blog, as you can get so much encouragement and love here. You have been a blessing to me and boy do things touch home. Praying for you .
Comment by Miss Jocelyn :

Your story is such a testimony to what God really do in someone’s life once they truly give it up to Him. I know that everyone is not perfect and we all struggle. It really disgusts me when the Body of Christ shuns those who need Him most because of the self-righteousness. I pray that He will continue to keep me for being self-righteous and not feeling self-pity for myself.

Thank you ever so much for all your post. I think you are definitely encouraging and motivating homeschoolers and mothers in the Biblical-lifestyle.

Love
MJ

Miss Jocelyn’s last blog post..Resting In The Arms Of Grace
Comment by Tamara Scire :

Thank you for your transparency Robin. I, too, have lived most of my life trying to impress and please others. It has, at many times, been more important to me than God, it was my god. Honestly, as I got to the end of my rope two years ago, I was surfing the internet, asking God to lead me to truth and “magically” your HOW website came up. It was like fresh air.

God has turned your “ashes” into beauty and glory for Him and He is blessings us through your testimony and the knowledge and truth He has given you.

I’ve just recently began remembering some sexual abuse that happened to me MANY years ago, I firmly believed that if God didn’t have access to my heart I wouldn’t be able to handle this shocking and horrible truth. But, because He continues to help me and lead me to truth, He also leads me to healing which is exactly what my heart needs. As I take off the cloak of shame, He can then put on the cloak of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and self-control. Before, my heart was so “black” I didn’t have room for what God had for me.

Now, He is truly my Savior, not just giving me eternal life but also giving me abundant life here on earth (John 10:10).

To Him be glory and honor!
Tamara Scire
Comment by Robin @ HeartofWisdom :

Tamara,

That was beautiful. Thank you for the image of the new cloak.

Robin @ HeartofWisdom’s last blog post..Working Harder is Not the Answer!
Comment by Candace :

Robin, I have been a reader of your blog for many months now, but was not familiar with much of your testimony. Thank you for sharing. I now have even more reason to admire you and the grace of God which is so evident in your life. God will bless you for sharing your ups and downs with us!

Candace’s last blog post..Summer Olympics & China lapbook
Comment by Beulah :

Hi Robin
Thank you so much for sharing your testimony and being so real. I forward your story to a couple of friends Shalom to you!
Comment by Dawn :

Thank you for writing so humbly, Robin. It is so easy to identify with what you have written and I appreciate your transparency. Thank you for sharing His love. It always amazes me how God takes the hurts in our lives and brings about transformation, not only in our lives but to bless others as well. Thank you. Praying you are feeling better and know how much you have blessed another momma.

In Him,
Dawn
Comment by Sharon Sue :

That’s why it is called amazing grace!!!! Thanks for sharing. Our best witness is “our story”!!! Like the woman at the well, our story will preach every time. We need to boldly proclaim what God has done!!!! God’s blessings to you and your family.
Comment by julee :

Robin thanks for sharing (more of)your story. Some of the details are different but pretty darn close to my own story.(I think mine might involve more crime and lifestyle sin?) God called my current husband and I out of our lukewarmness about 10 years ago after much pain and heartache from our sins. Now it seems like in time of great stress (our youngest died in April after a bone marrow transplant) I can fall back into my same battles with shame and performance anxiety. I know it is the enemy getting me in my “weak” spots. I LOVED The Shack for thesame reasons. (also because Mack over his “great sadness”)Thank you for your transparency and your ability to teach us all through your own story.
I pray for your health whenever I think of you or see you have updated your blog. We need you in our lives Robin! You have been such a “teacher”to me and my family for years now. We use HOW and read all your stuff!
Julee
mommy to many
7 bios, 13 adopted
2 waiting to see again in Heaven
“expecting” 2-3 more littles from Ethiopia soon
Comment by Terri Layne :

Oh my goodness, Robin, what a powerful testimony! It takes a lot of courage to be so open. I have a testimony also, but I often hold back because I am afraid people will despise me, or avoid me, or reject me. I have to remember that God gets the glory in any good that people see in me, not me. It’s a tough thing!

God bless you so very, very much! Just your testimony is encouraging to me. My life verse is also Ps 90:12, after a scare about a pituitary tumor this summer. So glad God has chosen to keep you with us!

love in Him,
Terri Layne
Comment by Carol :

I enjoyed reading this testimony. I was from a similar family, and now I am finding the life of freedom and obedience that comes from relationship with our living God. Praise God that if we seek Him with all our hearts we find Him.

Carol
Comment by Sarah :

Robin, your formula for coping with the dysfunctional mess describes how I dealt with things in my life at one time!! I am also learning to build a relationship and show my children that instead of trying to prove that I can do everything and please everyone so this post has really lifted me - I know I’m not alone thankyou for your honesty.

Love Sarah
Comment by Jacque :

What a blessing your testimony has been to so many readers! I am rejoicing at these comments! Matt and I are still trying to shake off the sins of feminism and selfishness that were ingrained into our hearts with all the dysfunction we each grew up in.
I am so amazed that our children are who they are in spite of our marriage and stupid things we still do and say! That in itself has been a miracle of God!
Thank you for your transparency. It is so hard to recount all of those memories. What a blessing your testimony is though today!

You said several things that stuck out as so important in a Believer’s life:
#1 I write for homeschoolers to motivate and help other moms avoid some of the mistakes I’ve made. The writings are positive and encouraging, so they may leave you with a false impression of my family.

I have been accused of appearing to have the perfect family. I wonder if people really believe that or if it was really meant to be an accusation. I have a clear enough grasp of reality to know that no one has a perfect life. Sure, when I see the good things or a sweet spirit in someone, I want to strive to be more like them in that area, but I know that does not mean they have the perfect life.
It is important that you presented this in two separate issues, but also the same: the Life of a Believer and Homeschoolers. Many times, both parties are touted as high and mighty, self-righteous and hypocrites. And sometimes we are. And sometimes we are standing so strong on our beliefs that there is no other way to look.

#2 (which can also turn into legalism if one is out of balance)
This is so true for anything. And it can happen without our recognizing it. It is so important to really know the Word, and even moreso, the character of God. Would He do this? Would He believe this? Is this Him??

#3 We Needed Relationship Not Religion. So many Believers get caught up in the fact that we must do this or that. Honestly, we can do nothing. What needed to be done was done, and we don’t even know what to do if we don’t have the relationship.

#4 I continue dealing with the consequences of my life of sin. It’s a journey and we have come far, but we have far to go.
Oh, if only repentance took care of the consequences!! Oh LORD, how much simpler life would be. But then we would not grow and learn. And neither would our children. There is a great value in consequences. Praise God for His sustaining power through them.

Robin, I am so glad you are where you are today in the LORD!! How merciful He is to save sinners like us. I would be dead in an alley somewhere if not for His mercy and grace.
Thank you for sharing this part of your life and making it so clear that we can deceive ourselves as Believers. I think that is the worst deception. Self-deception. It is much harder to recognize than the enemy’s. But, God will show us if we desire to humble ourselves and seek Him. He will be found.

I love coming here. I feel like I get a Bible Study each time!!
Thank you for all the time you put into your posts!
LOVE!
~J

Jacque’s last blog post..Tote & Tee Giveaway!
Comment by Bobbie-Jo :

I hope you are feeling well. I missed the whole hospital episode, but I know that your health is an ongoing request.

What a beautiful testimony of God’s relentless pursuit of you. I think everyone’s thankful that you shared so many intimate details of your pain, all for God’s glory.

Why have we got it so mixed up about The Relationship? Our Small Group leader compares it to people who have entered a restaurant, but are sitting in the waiting area for a while. They can hear the laughter and fun inside, but can’t get in. Many people in our churches are in that “waiting area”, they are at the right place (figurativley), but don’t seem to get out of the waiting area into the party.

Thank you for your last comments on my blog (about knowing how much He really loves me - and not fretting). They steered me right more than you know!

Bobbie-Jo’s last blog post..Contentment
Comment by Hadias :

What a powerful testimony. It is true demonstration of the Awesome God we serve. He is able to anything with anyone even a wretch like you and me.

Hadias’s last blog post..A Day in the Life Of…Blogger Book Club #3
Comment by Forgetfulone :

That was a very enlightening post, one I’m going to have to read again (and probably again) because I need to absorb its truths. Thank you for posting this.

Forgetfulone’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
Comment by lylah ledner :

Robin ~ Thanks for visiting the Lylah Blog and for your comment on 10 quick tips to improve your listening skills” …

on another note ~ I’m so glad for the visit here to your world and I can see that probably you and I are singing off some of the same soap boxes.

Blessings on you and your homefront! You Go Girl!
Lylah

lylah ledner’s last blog post..10 quick tips to improve your listening skills
Comment by Tiffany :

I read some of your blog and I have to say you are an amazing woman!! I am 33 yrs old and was homeschooled as a child until my Senior year of Highschool where I graduated two years early. When we started homeschooling in Colorado it was illegal!! My mom helped paved the way for other homeschoolers! Yippee! I wouldn’t have traded the experience for the world…..Be proud of what you do and the mom that you are…
Tiffany’s last blog post..One Potato, Two Potato, Three Potato, FOUR!
Comment by Susan :

Um what can I say? I am thankful to the Lord, that He rescued you, saved you and has you firmly in His grip.

I want to sit with you over a nice warm cuppa (it’s winter here in AU) and just share stories, knowing that it’d be for the glory of God.

To Him be all praise, glory and honour!

Blessings to you,
Comment by Eren :

Absolutely fantastic and superb. I knew there was more to you- I knew you had to have suffered to produce the phenomenal Bible studies that you have. I knew it!!
So glad you turned your life and mind around.
Blessings,
Eren
Comment by Sheila :

Robin, I truly thank God for you. In many ways you remind me of my own mother and myself, having grown up under a mom who was ruled by fear of man (the performance treadmill)…I too have walked that route.

what you wrote here is so true for many. To this day I’m captivated by the Love of God because it’s so different than what I grew up under. His mercy is amazing and His grace to make a garden where there seems to be only parched places is wonderful!

I’m so glad He’s restored and is doing this work through you, it is a beautiful testimony!

Sheila

Sheila’s last blog post..We’re builders- Part 4: Offered to be consumed
Comment by Tara in VA :

I loved your post.

I grasped the concept of “relationship” with Jesus while receiving counciling/discipling at Grace Ministries in Manassas, VA. I was definitely on a performanced-based-acceptance cycle. What I learned there changed my life. I read a book they recommended, “The Confident Woman” by Anabel Gillham. Also her husband’s book, “Lifetime Guarantee” by Bill Gillham. For the first time in my life The Good News was REALLY GOOD! For anyone who is interested in either of these resources, you can check out their website, http://www.lifetime.org.

With the understanding of my identity in Christ and His love for me, I was able to read the Bible with new eyes. A few years ago, I began exploring my Hebrew Roots. Without having experienced/lived the Grace of a relationship with Christ, the beauty of the Holidays and the Sabbath could have gotten lost in self-imposed performance-based-acceptance legalism.

My apologies if I moved my soapbox to your blog, Robin! But I can’t stress enough how transforming this has been!
Comment by Penney Douglas :

Dear Robin,

I’m so thankful that you wrote this post. I was curious about different aspects of your large family, and this explains some things you’ve written in the past. I wanted to know more about you, because it helps me to pray for you and your family, and I can defend you, if need be, when questions arise from people who are not so gracious about things like divorce and forgiveness of past sin. You know I’ll always be in your corner! I see Jesus in you. I know your heart is right and that all you want is to love and obey Him. Jesus forgets our sin, so who are we to remember and shun people for past sin?

You’ve said in the past that some of your family members are not happy about your fascination with Hebrew roots. I have found that studying Hebrew roots helps us balance our understanding of God and His ways. I’ve seen people get legalistic about it, but I’ve seen wonderful fruit from it, too. We have benefited greatly from deeper study of the Old Testament and Jewish ways of thinking.

Thank you for giving us more of your testimony. I really wanted to know more of what has made you the person you are.

You ought to write a book about your testimony!

Love,
Penney

Penney Douglas’s last blog post..The Best Dad in the Whole World
Comment by Regina :

I’m very proud of you Mom. I’m glad that both you and I have found this connection with God. Thank you for being a wonderful mother.

I love you,
Regina
Comment by MeritK :

Wow! Over the years you have been such a blessing and encouragement to me through your writings- you are truly a precious sister in Christ. Thanks for always reminding us of His Grace and Goodness through it all! MeritK
Comment by Jennifer in TX :

Thank you for sharing your story! You have so much to teach and share and I so appreciate that you do just that.
You know, reading child rearing & homeschooling books, often I think these people are not for real. Life just isn’t that smooth. It is such a blessing and I feel honored that you shared with us where and how you have gained wisdom.

Jennifer
Comment by KristinaP :

The comic was perfect! I plan on sharing that with several homeschooling friends.

Needless to say, Robin, watching God work through you helps us all to keep our eye’s on Jesus. When you share these feelings it helps all the rest of us know that we are not alone.

Blessings
Comment by Kirstin :

woo hoo! Excellent post. I have been saved for 24 years and while I wouldn’t say I was stuck in “religion”, I was definately a performance, by the rules kind of girl. I’m only 39. In the last few years God has taken our church and our lives on a journey into intimacy and freedom. While still living holy and righteous lives, just not out of legalism but out of honor for the one who gave us life.

I’m just now starting to read The Shack!
I’ll be by often to visit.

Kirstin’s last blog post..Recipe: Homemade BBQ Sauce
Comment by Jillian Fourman :

Hi Robin,

All I can say is WOW!!! You have been through SO much and YOU have come SO FAR!! I am truly blessed by your writings and pray for your healing physically quite often. And I pray for healing mentally and spiritually as well for you, and your children through all the years.

We think we have it all together but yet are struggling……it is so hard today in church and marriage and trying to be a Christian in this world without hurting but loving one another.

My journey has been hard….too much to detail but similiar…ya know blending of families…abuse…stuff…etc.

I am still homeschooling but almost done. Now I wonder what my children’s future is….as they wait for God’s leading while 1 is going through such physical illness as well as myself, and 1 went through terrible illnesses for over 11 yrs then has come to a place where he is managing….I have homeschooled through terrible chronic illness but I think we have learned to care for one another through it all. And deal with another adult child going through deep valleys…and trying to restart his life….with a sick finance so we await the outcome…..what a season in the journey….and myself as well.

Thank You for sharing your life, I know you have alot of good memories to outweight the hurtful ones

Just remember Psalms….they are my favorite and encourage me to keep climbing the mountain as I am looking forward to the view at the top!

Luv and Hugs, Jillian in TN
Comment by Mrs. Ellis :

oh robin! your journey brought tears to my eyes; God *bless* you, my precious sister! i can *sooo* relate to many of your experiences. i, too, grew up in chaos and abuse, and, by God’s grace, experienced a profound conversion to Christ in my mid-20. unfortunately, i soon fell into EXTREME legalism (an amish-mennonite group)… then proceeded to try about every denomination you can think of. i finally, joyfully, discovered Messianic Chrisianity… and soon mourned the rampant legalism there.
to make a *looong* story short, God used my learning about our Hebrew roots– espeically through your sweet books and ministries!– to lead me back to Holy Mass and the *beautiful* (and spiritually and emotionally healing) Catholic Church i grew up in! i could not *believe* how “Jewish” the Mass is! learning about Hebrew roots and celebrating the holy days connected the dots for me, and made the *entirety* of the Scriptures, as well as the writings of the early fathers make sense.
glory to GOD! today i am finally ***home*** and at peace.

i praise our *God* with you that you, too, have found peace in our glorious Savior!
Comment by Prodigal :

I honestly thought of you as perfect, so I’m shocked to have been wrong again. What a great story! I wonder how many thought David was perfect, LOL.

“Christians are the only ones, who murder their wounded”

I had a similar church experience as a young minister and didn’t return to church for 25 years. Now I fight back tears every Sunday as I understand how BIG God is through His people, people like you.

Gettin’ real is the way to really get to people. Bravo.
Comment by christopher :

Our politics may differ. Our Christianity may differ. Our thoughts and views on life may differ. But the things your write never fail to encourage. Be they on your blog, or on twitter, I see and feel the love of God poured out through your words.

It is a wonderful thing.

God bless.
Comment by Allison :

Robin…I’m going to come back and read this all the way thru when I have time to think. My heart just broke though when I read thru the first few paragraphs and got to the part about the abuse you endured. I am so so sorry friend. You and Beth Moore both! Anyway, I’m so glad God’s brought much healing to you. I have to apologize because the other day I commented on wishing to have had your upbringing. I had not read this post otherwise I wouldn’t have made such an insensitive comment.
I was remembering your godly grandmother you spent time with in North Carolina who showed you Jesus. I’m sooooo thankful you had her.
Anyway, you had written about her in another post where I saw it..it was the same year 2007, when she went home to be with her Jesus.
Anyway, I am sorry for the hurtful comment I made, not realizing just what you had been thru!
I am very very thankful you have your grandmothers legacy and spiritual blessings that come with that.
In Jesus’ Love,
Allison
Comment by Allison :

Okay, I have kids swarming around me, so…just so you’ll know the reason behind my incoherant reply. Hugs. Allison
Comment by Allison :

Hi Robin,
I’m sorry to keep commenting on the same post. I was so moved to tears to hear of the things you have gone thru in your childhood and then as a single mother. With all the pain you’ve gone thru I think, how? How was she ever able to write HOW??? I’m so glad you found the love you so longed for and were delivered from the performance treadmill. I thank God for you sweet sister in Christ. It’s so healing for me to hear of what God has done for you. For the record, you never did come across as trying to look as though you’re the perfect homeschool family. I think people may have assumed that you were just because you have written Heart of Widsom. Oh I’m so glad God healed you! And boy do I understand more the why behind your “cardboard testimony”. Is that what they called it when they held up the signs?
I’m so happy that God pulled you up out of the mire clay, set your feet on a firm foundation, put a new song in your heart and is the lifter of your head!
Thank you for your testimony,… thank you for being transparent.
Love in Jesus,
Allison