16 phrases women should understand:

1. “IT’S A GUY THING”
   Translated: “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.”
2. “CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?”
   Translated: “Why isn’t it already on the table?”
3. “UH HUH,” “SURE, HONEY,” OR “YES, DEAR”
   Translated: Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.
4. “IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN”
   Translated: “I have no idea how it works.”
5. “TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU’RE WORKING TOO HARD.”
   Translated: “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.”
6. “THAT’S INTERESTING, DEAR.”
   Translated: “Are you still talking?”
7. “YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS.”
   Translated: “I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop,’ the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification number of every car I’ve ever owned… but I forgot your birthday.”
8. “OH, DON’T FUSS — I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT’S NO BIG DEAL.”
   Translated: “I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I’m hurt.”
9. “HEY, I’VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I’M DOING.”
   Translated: “And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.”
10. “I CAN’T FIND IT.”
    Translated: “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.”
11. “WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?”
11. Translated: “What did you catch me at?”
12. “I HEARD YOU.”
    Translated: “I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don’t spend the next three days yelling at me.”
13. “YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE.”
    Translated: “I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse.”
14. “YOU LOOK TERRIFIC.”
    Translated: “Oh, please don’t try on one more outfit. I’m starving.”
15. “I’M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.”
    Translated: “No one will ever see us alive again.”
16. “WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK.”
    Translated: “I make the messes; she cleans them up.”

From “The Good, Clean Funnies List” www.gcfl.net

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