The term
"cornucopia kids" was coined by psychologist Bruce A. Baldwin in the
mid-eighties to refer to children who grow up in homes where the good
life is available for the asking, and where no personal effort is
required. Twenty years later, the situation can only be described as
even worse. Children today have an unprecedented amount of stuff,
combined with little or no responsibility for acquiring it, caring for
it or replacing it.
The Danger Zone
Do you suspect your child may be in the danger zone? Here are some warning signs:
—On an outing to the mall, you buy your two-year-old some candy or a toy as a payoff to keep her from crying.
—Your preschooler has already been on a cruise or stayed at an expensive resort.
—Your middle-school daughter regularly gets her nails done.
—There's
never a quiet moment in your home because the television or stereo are
always on, and a battle ensues if you try to turn them off.
—Your child has a "Who cares?" attitude about the problems and needs of others because he's self-centered and downright selfish.
—The
new bike your son got for his birthday was left out in the rain the
very first day. This is the same child who routinely loses critical
pieces to puzzles and games. He does these things because he's learned
that what's lost or broken will be magically replaced.
—At
a very early age your child began a collection of dolls, stuffed
animals or action figures, and you feel it's your responsibility to
support the collection by buying up every new one that comes out. You
convince yourself that it's an investment.
—Your
child always has unearned money to spend because you freely give
advances on her allowance, which has usually been spent by mid-week.
—Your
present-oriented child is concerned only with the pleasures of today.
Things come his way without effort, so he sees no need to set goals or
plan ahead.
—You
personally do without new towels or a trip to the hairdresser to buy
your child an outrageously priced pair of jeans, sneakers or a prom
dress.
Change Your Cornucopia Kid!
Even as late as the teen years it's possible to reform a cornucopia kid. Here are some immediate steps parents can take:
—Give
age-appropriate work responsibilities beginning in the preschool years.
A two-year-old can put his pajamas away and pick up his toys. A
four-year-old can help load the dishwasher.
—Don't
give too many freebies. Getting too much for too little effort
diminishes motivation. Create the link for your child between effort
and reward. When your child demands something you can't afford, don't
hesitate to say "We can't afford it!"
—-Limit
TV time. Relying on external stimulation to entertain suppresses the
imagination. Active learners are found on their bikes, on the
playground or in the library, not glued to the television.
—Simplify
birthdays and holidays. Limit the number of gifts your child receives.
Put the emphasis on experiencing activities together such as a trip to
a water park or planetarium.
—Teach
your child to share with others. Help him go through his closet to
choose outgrown clothes and no longer used toys to pass on to another
child. A good practice is to let go of something old before something
new is acquired, for example, just before Christmas or Hanukkah.
With a strategy, some determination, and a little bit of luck, you can corral your cornucopia kid!
About the Author
Lauren Bradway
has a Master's Degree in Communication Disorders and a Ph.D. in Human
Ecology. The author of How to Maximize Your Child's Learning Ability (Avery Publishing Group, Garden City Park, NY), she has specialized in
working with children for over 25 years. Dr. Bradway runs a successful
clinical practice as a speech-language pathologist and is a consultant
to preschools, elementary schools, and bilingual programs. She trains
teachers to develop Individual Learning Style Profiles for children for
classroom use and consults with parents at http://www.helpingchildrengrow.com
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