Thank you for your prayers. God answered them!

I went to the local Emergency Room on Monday afternoon after experiencing several days of chest discomfort (not helped by nitroglycerin)  The EKG showed some irregularities so I was transferred by ambulance to Vanderbilt hospital in Nashville.

I have left main coronary artery disease (LMD). Last July, I had open heart surgery, then a few months ago I received stents. Since then I have had several bouts of unstable angina. Angina is chest pain or pressure that occurs when your heart muscle does not get enough blood.

Angina is stressful. It’s somewhat like having Braxton hicks (pre-labor) contractions in your ninth month of pregnancy. You know something is going on but you aren’t sure when it is time to go to the hospital.

Angina brings on anxiety, which leads to more chest pressure which leads to more anxiety–it’s a frightening cycle.

The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith, and
the beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety.”

The cardiologist informed me they would be doing a heart catheterization and if they found a narrowing, I would need open heart surgery again. I can’t put into words how I felt.

Most of my posts are about resting and trusting in God, yet the chest pains punched me straight into anxiousness and fear. Oh I was praying, and I remembered all the times God delivered me yet I still wrestled with doubt and worry.

My deepest desire is intimacy (in-to-me-see) with God. He is my strong tower, my rock, my refuge, and my hiding place. He is the Creator of the universe, He knows the number of hairs on my head, and He loves me. I know all this but I was afraid.

My open heart surgery was done before I could  research the procedure.  Now that I know what happens during the bypass surgery I was much more apprehensive. I even watched actual videos of the surgery on You Tube (there are times ignorance is bliss).  I should have spent my time in Psalms instead of medical books.

Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all others thoughts are drained.–Arthur Somers Roche

Yielding to God’s Will

My heart cath was scheduled for the next day. That night I talked to God through the night. It was the next morning before I was able to tell God I surrendered all.

He gave me the strength to accept His will. If He wanted me to have this surgery He had a plan. I didn’t understand the worry was bondage until I was freed from it. It was liberating. I felt the proverbial peace like a river.

The surest way to intimacy with  God is not to seek Him as a goodie giver, a problem solver, or healer in time of need, but rather by opening to His unmeasurable love.

May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you” Ps. 33:22.

God is so amazing. As I wallowed in anxiety, He lifted me above the circumstances and reminded me of His faithfulness. He made the universe, He shaped the stars. He made my body and my heart. He keeps my left main artery flowing.

He wasn’t angry or disappointed that my eyes weren’t on Him. He was there waiting on me with open arms as always.

A Shadow of Heavenly Things

Recently my son had a cavity filled. It was a major cavity close to the nerve. He was given gas and I held his hand during the procedure. It was so hard to watch him get the Novocain shot. My heart dropped when he tightened his legs and squeezed my hand. But I knew a few minutes of discomfort would ultimately save him excruciating pain later.

Our heavenly Father only allows pain with a purpose. The pains we have here on earth will quickly be forgotten in Heaven’s glory.

No Surgery Needed

It turned out I do not have to have open heart surgery. My left main artery is working efficiently. It seems I have a problem with the much smaller micro vascular arteries which can be handled with medication. Doctors and medicine help people live longer lives, but we know that God is the one who preserves our lives. He can call us home at anytime. His will be done.

Let us give up our work, our plans, ourselves, our lives, our loved ones, our influence, our all, right into [God’s] hand; and then, when we have given all over to Him, there will be nothing left for us to be troubled about.” –Hudson Taylor, missionary to China

Numbering My Days

My life prayer is from Psalm 80:12 “teach us to number our days, that we might gain a heart of wisdom.” Dealing with a left main  blockage makes numbering my days much clearer. Patients with a left main artery disease have a high mortality rate during the five years after bypass surgery.

Daily chest discomfort are frequent reminders–I am blessed–I have an alarm bell going off reminding me of the importance of being in God’s will, to pray for guidance, and prioritize according to the Spirit’s leading.

Right now the most important thing I can do is play Crazy Eights with my youngest sons.

So good night, and thank you again for your prayers.

It is well, with my soul.

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Robin called last night to tell me that she is not going to need any kind of surgery, which is a huge relief.  The doctors were very thorough and determined that her pain and low blood pressure could be controlled through medication alone.

Thank you all for your prayers - she said she could feel them.  Next time you see a new blog entry it will be Robin writing. 

God bless,

Kathleen

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Thank you all so much for your prayers.  Robin called to say that she is having a heart catheterization later this afternoon.  She will not know anything until the results are back from that test.  I will update as soon as I hear anything.

Please continue to pray that the doctors will be able to accurately diagnose the problem and will be able to fix it in the least instrusive way.

In Christ,

Kathleen

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Robin just called me to say that she went to the local hospital in Shelbyville, TN with heart pain. Her EKG was abnormal so they are transferring her to Vanderbilt in Nashville. She doesn’t really know any more than that but will be updating me as soon as she finds out what the doctors conclude.

She wants everyone to know that, spiritually, she is doing very well. The Lord has been preparing her for this.

Please pray for wisdom for the doctors - that they would diagnose her problem properly and know what to do to fix it.

Thanks and God bless,

Kathleen

Robin’s friend in Virginia

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As the love of God penetrates our hearts and minds, we become expressions of His love, kindness, and goodness to others. It is then we are doing what Jesus did–showing others the Father (John 14:8).

The fruit of legalism is pride, arguments, jealousy, selfish ambition, and envy.

The fruit of God’s Spirit is love beautifully described below. How excellent would Christianity appear to the world, if this principle guided us in all ways?

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing.

If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.

When I was an infant at my mother’s breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.

We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

1 Corinthians 13 (The Message)

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